Just ride: a radically practical guide to riding your bike

Riding. Don't pedal circles ; Don't count miles ; You have way too many gears ; Heavy rider, hard hill ; Ride bumps with skill, not technology ; Ride like a fairy, not an ox ; Corner like Jackie Robinson ; Shift with your legs first ; No ride too short ; Paddling beats pedaling

Suiting up. The clothing ruse ; Desert dwellers don't wear tank tops ; Dress woodsy in the woods ; Surprise : fabric doesn't breathe ; Don't overthink your underwear ; The shoes ruse ; Ponchos : the ultimate Unracer's garment

Safety. The predictability ruse ; Warning : your blinky light can kill you ; Don't get doored ; Racers don't ride bike paths, more room for you ; Be saintlike on the bike path ; Helmets aren't all they're cracked up to be ; Helmet laws have unintended consequences ; Your helmet's not a bonnet, and other tips on how to wear it ; The Moe Howard bike helmet ; Hi-vis beats high risk ; Lights for nights ; Fending off Phydeau (or, even my dog hates you) ; Control your quick release

Health and fitness (don't confuse the two). Riding is lousy all-around exercise ; Riding burns calories and makes you eat more ; Carbohydrates make you fat ; Branch out and buff up ; Stretching is overrated ; The Unracer's guide to heart-rate monitors ; Know your guts ; Drink when you're thirsty, not before ; Electrolytes for dummies and cheapskates ; Saddles don't cause impotence ; Four features of a reasonable saddle ; This is the golden age for good saddles ; Women's saddles, women's crotches ; Funny saddles, problem crotches ; The deal with leather saddles

Accessories. Bells, not whistles ; Bags, not armloads or sweaty backs ; Baskets beat bags? Yep, sometimes ; Fenders, not muddy stripes up your butt ; Kickstands, not balancing acts ; Pumps, not greenhouse gas ; Clips and straps for urban fixie riders who wear sneakers ; Gloves : the least necessary accessory

Upkeep. The tree bike stand ; Chains : everybody's least favorite bike part ; How to tell when you need a new chain ; Cleaning and lubing the chain ; Putting your chain back on if it falls off ; Avoiding and fixing chain suck ; Washing and waxing your bike ; Bandaging boo-boos ; Beausage (byoo-sidj) ; Beautify your handlebar tape with bug excrement ; Finish your handlebar tape with twine, not electrical tape

Technicalities. Most bikes don't fit ; Reaching to the bars ; The right way and the right place to sit ; Saddle, fore and aft ; The weight ruse ; Crank length doesn't matter...much ; Q-factor ; Tire clearance means everything ; Tire casings and a case for heavier tires ; Frame arithmetic ; Frame material matters ; Toe-clip overlap is something to deal with, nothing to fear ; What 700 and C mean in 700C ; The fork : looks and steel versus carbon

Velosophy. Racing ruins the breed ; Ride with pride on your own dime, or mooch politely ; The dark side of charity rides ; "Commute Clot," dba "Critical Mass" ; How to make your family hate riding ; Riding with kids too young to pedal or trust in traffic ; The S240 ; Recalibrate your bike-o-meter ; Keeping score so you always win ; Your bike is a toy, have fun with it ; Racer or Unracer? A true /false quiz.